Alzheimers Caregivers – Are You A Hindrance or Help

 

 

A Hindrance or Help

Which Are You… Normally

Are You Sure

 

Alzheimer’s Caregivers sometimes forget that our words and attitudes might actually convey something less than that which will provide positive nurturing toward the Alzheimer’s patient. Thus arises the question of whether or not we are truly a help or a hindrance.

 

Not only are there so many things to learn about Alzheimer’s Disease and the many ways to provide care, the problems/opportunities available are naturally compounded because the very nature of each and every Alzheimer’s Victim is different; as is the nature of each and every Caregiver; as are the many differences experienced as both a Victim and Caregiver pass through the many Stages of the Disease.

Add to all that an exponential curve effect because of the large number of ‘Baby Boomers’ that are are now on the older side of ‘Senior Citizens’… and …the increased frequency of what is known as ‘Early Onset’ Alzheimer’s. Each and every year brings forth ever escalating numbers of afflicted people. And difficulties. The only ‘good’ thing is there is an increasing amount of education concerning both the Disease and Caregiver techniques that we are usually able to more quickly learn any number of basics within any arena of difficulty. From that basis, the sky really is the limit with respect to what you might learn, enhance and then pass along to help another.

 

Most of all on this page,
I’d like to go to some length in covering one thing in particular.
If you can learn to avoid entering into this arena of life,
particularly when dealing with an Alzheimer’s patient,
you will have saved yourself and that Victim…
an awful lot of mental and emotional suffering
and the continuing head and heartache that accompanies such suffering.

 

 

Arguing:

When you enter into what normally might even be considered an instructional ‘argument’ enjoined for the learning betterment of the Alzheimer’s Victim, the bottom line is that by arguing in any sense of the term, you’ve become a ‘hindrance’, not a ‘help’.

The point I’m making, Caregiver, is that you are nothing less than intellectually foolish if you, 1) argue with someone who is not mentally competent and, 2) argue about inconsequential things.

And on that point… you’ll soon learn friend, that… virtually everything …is inconsequential. After all, the only really important things to be concerned with are issues which influence the Alzheimer patient’s physical, mental and emotional well being, i.e. The Big Three. Inasmuch as the Alzheimer’s afflicted person has obvious memory difficulties and any and all discussions will soon be forgotten anyway, except for one goal ^(*)… every single thing in life other than providing health and safety is indeed largely inconsequential. Therefore… absolutely not worth arguing about!

Not worth even overly scolding the afflicted person or trying to ‘teach’ them as you would naturally do with a child you are properly rearing. A child, mind you, is by reason of instruction received gaining knowledge and using his or her intellect to bring forth understanding. An Alzheimer’s Victim, on the other hand, is constantly losing their ability to reason. So, as more and more time passes, knowledge and understanding become meaningless, certainly not sought after. Friend, when you argue with an Alzheimer’s Victim over inconsequential things… and again, everything is inconsequential except for health, safety and positive Emotional Content… you become a huge hindrance to their peaceful existence. Almost certainly, they’ll soon forget everything about the discussion anyway, so why in the world disrupt their emotional existence by arguing your ‘rightness’? ‘Or is it Righteousness’? And of course, what would prompt you to further disrupt your own emotional existence vis-a-vis the stress of arguing?

From another perspective: A person afflicted with Alzheimer’s reaches a point in their mental digression when he or she is almost entirely aware of life and is motivated only by… ^(*) emotions. Not knowledge and understanding! When someone is unable to employ the use of their intellect, how is it possible to maintain a credible argument structured to educate the hearer toward peace of mind? When you argue with a person who has for all practical purposes lost the better part of their mind… doesn’t it make sense that you only succeed in only damaging their emotional psyche (their entire understanding of life) even more? Think about it: How will emotional upheaval help your Caregiver/Victim relationship? So then, what’s the point of arguing?

Strive to keep at the forefront of your mind the reality that whatever comes out of the Alzheimer’s Victim’s mouth is only sometimes worthy of momentary correction… and always not worth arguing about. In a very real sense, Caregiver, your ‘right’ to argue can never be reasonably justified. Even in the case of health and safety. You’d be wise to just do what has to be done and don’t worsen the atmosphere with argument.

Imagine a by-stander listening. No matter how erudite and correct you might be in your submissions, your words or actions will fittingly be construed by the hearer as an example of an intellectually sound person arguing with a person so mentally incapacitated he or she might be placed in a category of the mentally retarded. Thus, the by-stander can come to no other conclusion except that you’ve only succeeded in winning your argument against a retarded person. Congratulations! You’ve argued beautifully. Now take pride in the fact that by your ‘winning’ you just might have opened wide the door to the Victims even greater emotional upheaval. Friend, in that the person has largely lost their mind, will arguing really help the situation?

 

 

Notwithstanding the above, never forget that in a very real way you are the adult and the afflicted person is the child. As sad as it is to think in those terms, that’s a fair description of reality. Therefore, there surely are times when you must by whatever sensible means at your disposal become… outright demanding …of the afflicted person. You must take whatever appropriate action is necessary in order to be certain the afflicted person follows your lead… FOR THE PURPOSE …of their continuing to be the recipient of the best care you are able to provide.

But even though such actions might be viewed by the Alzheimer’s Victim as harsh or even horrid, it is foolish to attempt to argue your point across… or even argue the ‘rightness’ of your intense debate. They just won’t understand logic because they are existing within a paradigm wherein reason and logic are non existent. Emotions are paramount. Arguing simply complicates matters. Caregiver, just get done whatever you have to get done and move on. The Alzheimer’s Victim will forget – but if you argue, it could well be their Emotional Content will suffer and you’ll then be dealing with a person who becomes even more vocal and aggressive or sullen and uncooperative. Arguing is not worth it.

Having said all this, there surely will be times when you will not only begin to argue, but due to that argument develop a level of anger within yourself. That’s natural because that’s what most of us have done many times throughout our lives. But remember – the Alzheimer’s Victim will in all probability forget the whole thing very, very soon, anyway. So ultimately, all you’ll accomplish if you proceed into an argument is to bring a sour heart to both yourself and your loved one. Yours, perhaps, lasting longer. Though strife may momentarily ensue, it’s often best to just get whatever you need to do done in a quick, bold and sometimes silent manner and be done with it even though they might proceed to argue.

A final repeat: You simply cannot win an un-winable argument. Especially with someone who for all practical purposes has lost the bulk of their reasoning powers and experiences life only through their emotions… You can’t win! Friend, this next sentence is stated in the manner you will now read only for the sole purpose to abruptly and indelibly make the point…

 

‘You have to be smarter
than the brainless person you are arguing with’.
Are you smarter?
Teach yourself to become smarter!

 

You can! And not only you, but the Victim will be the better for it! But, you are on a learning curve. And sometimes it’s an extremely frustrating learning curve which seems to offer no way out. You gain an understanding of how to deal with a, and then b sneaks up on you. Then c. Then back to a… It’s quite likely you will not only regularly face things you’ve not dealt with before, but things you’ve never even dreamed you’d face. Due to the fact you, like most of us, understandably, don’t know all there is to know on any number of Alzheimer’s related subjects, of course you’ll make mistakes. (And God knows that better than all of us.) No one in their right mind can fault you for mistakes. But friend, arguing with a mentally incapacitated person will do neither of you any good. So take heart; with thought and practice you can learn to deal with the Alzheimer’s Victim and with practice, you can learn well! You can learn to do the right thing by both the afflicted person AND yourself! A common, Key reminder, that often helps me during such times is, ‘Stand back, count to ten and then – do unto others…’ Good luck!

 

OK then…

^(*) Remember that principle goal of a Caregiver providing care for an Alzheimer’s Victim:… Boost their positive Emotional Content. Both the life of the Alzheimer’s Victim as well as your own life will be the better for it. Friend, you certainly cannot accomplish that goal in any sense of the term by arguing.

 

You might wish to review…

‘Important Things Caregivers Should Do‘

 

Or…

‘Important Things Caregivers Should Not Do‘