Are You Receiving Family Help For Your Alzheimer’s Victim

Are You Receiving Family Help

When Providing Care
for a Family Member

Stricken with Alzheimer’s Disease

Alzheimer’s Victims
and
Alzheimer’s In Home Care Caregivers
are typically of the same family.
Are the members of your family
physically, emotionally and monetarily supportive?

When your own family member is an Alzheimer’s Disease Victim, do you in any suitable way regularly assist the Principle Caregiver in their resolve to provide nurturing assistance for your loved one? If so, then without the slightest hesitation you are not only to be profoundly congratulated, but with the deepest of affection, warmly loved for maintaining the participatory posture you hold. You are doubtlessly well beheld by your own family’s Principle Caregiver, but you should also know you are most certainly also held in high esteem by great numbers of Alzheimer’s Caregivers who are unknown to you. The reality is that by the exhibit of your good character on this issue, it suggests your outlook on life is such you are a man or woman of unusual quality… truly standing tall among mankind.

The rest of this page is not written to you.

If someone in your family is
the Primary Caregiver for your loved one
and you are a NON Supportive family member…
the following is directed to you.

Perhaps the family Caregiver has provided you with a copy of this Page. He or she was instructed to do so even before his or her beginning performing the responsibilities as the Primary Caregiver. If it wasn’t possible, then you should have received this Page as quickly thereafter as was possible. For the sake of both the Alzheimer’s Disease Victim as well as the Caregiver Victim (‘Victim’ due to not receiving family help to the degree necessary), I hope this was done.

While experience is surely the best teacher, I sure didn’t want to learn the hard way. As the sole Caregiver for my Mom, it was very unsettling to learn my siblings were, by and large, only full of excuses… not in the least expressing any continuing interest in supporting their Mother in her time of need. Obviously, not supporting me so I might be better able to enjoy a degree of respite in order to better care for Mom. Is this, then, a ‘dig’ against them? In that every individual makes his or her way in life adhering to the better aspects of character or not, a ‘dig’, only in a small sense. Far more… the experiences that were created have provided me a better grasp at the necessity of such, so I am in a better position to write with some authority – hoping these words, while sometimes perhaps more harsh than the hearer would like – might nevertheless prompt him or her toward helping their own Primary Caregiver in his or her quest to better serve Mom, Dad, Wife, Husband, brother, sister, et al.

For the most part, this is a very hard hitting Page leaving little to the imagination. It is matter of fact and to the point. Because it is so direct – it might not enhance familial fondness. Nevertheless, given my history on the subject- this is a very necessary Page structured foremost to help the Primary Caregiver and the Alzheimer’s Victim through very, very tough times by affording he or she an opportunity to establish a higher degree of familial understandings in advance. Yes, it may well be difficult to read, but it will nevertheless help you at the earliest possible time to set the stage relative to your expectations of family members and their responsibilities to help the Primary Caregiver in his or her endeavor.

Though usually unwritten and non binding, your endeavor by means of this topic to forecast dilemmas and mandate rules will have nonetheless established a moral ‘contract’, so to speak, which will almost certainly assist you in your future ability to continue to, with their help, provide the best possible care for the Alzheimer’s Disease loved one you have or soon will initiated care for. As unfortunate as it is, to merely assume family members will love you as well as their own flesh and blood Alzheimer’s Victim sufficiently well enough to regularly help you without any prompts – - – almost universally, this ‘common sense approach’ has been proven to be in err. By established universal history on the subject, the Primary Caregiver is almost always left holding the bag without resources or the regular respite necessary to best serve the Victim’s welfare, i.e. the Primary Caregiver is usually left alone to fend for his or her loved one by themselves. (Usually receiving nothing except distant pleasantries and platitudes from his or her siblings, or in the case of one parent caring for the other, minimal help from the children.) See… Bradley Bursack – No Sibling Help. Over the course of the last couple of generations, it has proven to be a sad fact of at least the American Family Unit.

That being said and although the below offering may well seem like I am, rather than “railing against or ranking upon” those who are not supportive toward the ongoing care of their Alzheimer’s afflicted loved one, the premise of the following presentation is to by whatever means necessary, bring those who are not supportive toward a better understanding of that which they typically and quite arbitrarily reject. That is, the whole truth of what is required for the proper care of your and presumably their loved one.

Now then…

Most of all I write for the benefit of the Caregiver(s) of your loved one. You see, when one has the heart to quite realistically pretty much give up the whole of their own life for the benefit of say, your parent… that same soft and loving heart often lessens their willingness to ask you for your help. And almost certainly, not to demand it. (Why is it you are so love-less toward the Alzheimer’s Victim as well as the Caregiver that they should have to ASK YOU, anyway?) Perhaps they don’t ask because they don’t want to face the reality you really do in quite a distinctively proven manner… love-less. That same heart also lessens their willingness to perhaps necessarily chastise you when your provision of some type of help is sometimes only infrequent in its arrival. Again, perhaps they don’t want to do anything which will prompt their more completely recognizing the fact you are in fact a love-less person toward both them and the Alzheimer’s Disease Victim.

Friend, God forbid that by this time in your life you don’t already know right from wrong. But, if you are full of excuses as to why you can’t fully help with the proper care of your loved one… work, distance, time, et al… then the right or wrong of such a loving commitment means nothing to you, anyway. Thus the necessity for this Page.

I write this Page for the benefit of your Dad, your Mom, your sister or brother who perhaps… desperately …needs your help, but for whatever reason is not vocal enough to make their plight known. (To think they’d have to, anyway???) Or, they are vocal but their pleas fall on… willingly …deaf ears. In a sense, this Page becomes their ongoing advocate… assuming you are at least mentally and emotionally strong enough to keep reading and by means of employing honesty… begin to change so you might henceforth become identified as a loving, caring family member. Or, will you remain only as a love-less biological creation?

I’ll begin by reminding you that many, if not most families of today simply don’t have the same family values as did the average person who is now in their senior years. Thus, the knitting of many family relationships is often not necessarily what it used to be. With the basic outlooks on life ranging so differently than those of old, there is the danger of family members either not recognizing they must necessarily become an integral part of the care giving process… or, their more ‘modern’ outlook on life has taught them it is not their responsibility to care for their ‘loved ones’ sufficiently well enough to fulfill the not so fun parts of what they’ve determined to be… ‘love’. As a result, and obviously pointedly, alongside their given name such people are by many… justifiably identified as those who ‘love-less’ their Mom, Dad, Wife, Husband, brother, sister, et al. Caring less. Care-less.

As you might guess, this Page in particular is not one that is normally accepted by those who fit the description just noted. Nor is it deemed ‘nice’ by any number of public or private organizations which are structured to assist people who are dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease. It is too pointed for them and as a result they distance themselves from such brutal, but wholly honest truths. (Why bother with the Truth, anyway?) And certainly, it is not a fun subject to write about, nor to be a part thereof.

The bottom line however, is that Alzheimer’s is one of the most brutal diseases to infect the minds and hearts of each person it touches; the afflicted Victim and everyone else surrounding them. In order to put oneself in the best position to contend with providing appropriate care for the Alzheimer’s Victim – and remain in that position – brutal honesty in how to handle any situation related to providing that proper care for the Victim is therefore, necessarily required…

This is not a mambi pambi disease
nor can you effectively deal with it
by treating in a mambi pambi manner
those who are unwilling to assist
in care giving responsibilities.

This Page is written to the person
who fits the old adage,
‘If the shoe fits… wear it’.
What about you?

When all the fluff is taken away, when all the excuses are known as excuses, are you a ‘love-less’ family member? That is, one who knowingly allows your brother or sister or quite possibly even your still well parent to exclusively remain almost wholly responsible for the bulk of care giving requirements for your other parent? Or… whomever?

On this issue, have you to this point begun to use the brains God gave you relative to this topic? Or, do you in probably a good number of ways continue to justify away any personal responsibility in this matter? Yes, yes. At this point you likely wish to once again be addressed in a mambi pambi, “I’m not responsible” manner, but… too bad. If you are not regularly helping to in some positive way provide assistance in the proper care of he or she whom you only say you love, you may not realize it but you are… doubtlessly …in need of some type of dramatic, i.e. brutal, wake up call. What is it going to take to get you to… simply do the right thing by those you at this point in the game only say you love?

But… catch your breath. A bit lower on this Page are constructive concepts the current ‘love less’ person might wish to employ. They show ways in which even a far removed person might be of some assistance… and not even have to ruffle their current lifestyle… or, dirty their hands.

Doesn’t it make sense that if a family member, style=”font-size:13px;”>i.e. the Primary Caregiver, is to continue to provide proper care for a diseased loved one, that Caregiver simply cannot live under the fear that any other family member might be offended because they’ve been wholly identified as not willing to be supportive? As ‘caring less’ about their afflicted loved one.

I don’t suggest you go out of your way and do anything extraordinary, mind you… just that you begin to do the very basic right thing for he or she whom you say you love? (Is brutal honesty too much for you?)

Primary as well as supportive Caregivers for Alzheimer’s afflicted people clearly recognize any kind of help, particularly regular help is a God-send. In any form of its arrival! Is it too much to ask less loving family members to step up to the plate if only to in a minimal manner increase their level of participation… by simply doing the right thing?

The following suggestions surely might be rather maddening for those ‘love-less’ family members who’ve for whatever reason remained at arms length, minimizing the reality of what their responsibilities truly are. Nevertheless, you obviously do require an abrupt ‘wake up call’ in order to prompt you to begin to properly employ that brain of yours. After all, the afflicted person in need of your care and concern still remains… your …loved one. True or False?

It may surprise you to know that even as strongly as this Page is written, this Page is NOT written in a manner which reflects any anger you might think I hold toward you for your irrefutably demonstrated love-less attitude toward your parent or other loved one. Nor do I write to anger you. Rather, this Page’s only purpose is an attempt to… wake you up. I make no apologies in speaking, ‘Brutal Truth’. After all, has anything else worked?

Certainly, life gets in the way of most of us and inhibits our ability to do the things we’d like. Perhaps that’s your circumstance. Perhaps you want to be able to provide better assistance, but seemingly just can’t.

Obviously though, life has also gotten in the way of the current Primary Caregiver. The one who, nonetheless, provides ongoing care. Unlike the Caregiver who, like it or not, has willingly become inexorably bound by providing care, how is it you feel you are too bound …with other aspects of life to regularly help? Or, even minimally help?

Yes of course, many family members simply can’t break out of their family, job or other dutiful responsibilities in order to more fully assist their care giving family member. And some people simply don’t have the mental or emotional ‘inner workings’ required to regularly assist in providing ongoing care for their aged love one. Each position is understandable… to a point. We each have different natures which allow this and not that. That’s life. That’s just the way it is.

On the other hand, nothing precludes a person from gathering information. Perhaps that’s the root of your problem in choosing to avoid offering more assistance. Maybe you just don’t really understand the scope of difficulties Alzheimer’s Caregivers experience. Maybe by resolving to educate yourself… that would solve the entire problem. Once educated, you’d (presumably) be more inclined to offer regular assistance. But that line of thought brings us back to square one: Have you even felt a basic, elementary need to learn about the disease and the necessary requirements the Caregiver must fulfill? Or, have you already determined your ignorance gives you the right to avoid participating with care giving responsibilities?

OK then, if not providing regular time and energy to assist the Caregiver, very few people are unable to regularly send a certain amount of money to help. Money which might enable the Caregiver to from time to time pay a care center in order to free their duty time for personal respite. Or, to expand the scope of paid help they might have already employed for the benefit of your loved one. Regardless, your provision of money helps the Caregiver become better able to more completely break away from duties on a regular basis. Perhaps even every few months physically leaving the care giving environment on a mini vacation. No matter. Whatever the respite, it immensely helps them to fundamentally regroup in order to then provide progressively better care for your loved one.

The end result is that ultimately it is the parent or other afflicted loved one who benefits. Your provision of money, you see, has enabled the caregiver to become regularly refreshed. The afflicted person then, is able to receive far more effective overall care. Make sense? ? ? (If it doesn’t, you’ve not investigated even the most basic elements of providing care.) Of course… if you don’t wish to financially help – maybe you’d like to take over as Primary Caregiver?

You don’t have money to send for the ultimate benefit of your parent or parents? How many lattes do you enjoy each week? Bowling? Movies? Out to breakfast, lunch or dinner? A week-end getaway? Cable or Satellite TV? A newer car rather than getting by with the old? How much do you weekly spend on what are normally deemed your little ‘pleasures of life’ without really thinking about the amount of money you’ve given away? If you only cut whatever amount spent for the above considerations in half, could that amount enable your Principle Family Caregiver to better care for your loved one because of the break away and refreshment received every few months? Quite probably… YES. Almost certainly!

The idea I’m presenting is two-fold:

1)… Most of the blessings of life noted in the last paragraph are things you don’t really think about. You just enjoy the benefits they provide. But these VERY SAME benefits of life are most often… entirely … out of the realm of even the basic day to day hopes or dreams of many if not most Caregivers. Particularly those without regular familial help. After all, each such Caregiver remains ‘without leave’ in an ongoing 24/7 battle against the effects of the disease. And yes, it is indeed a battle! Without your direct help, how is it you can possibly expect a Caregiver to break away to even minimally refresh themselves… for the goal of providing better care? ? ?

2)… If ‘hands on help’ of whatever kind is out of the question, then the provision of financial support is apparently what the otherwise non supportive person can choose… even if only by avoiding lattes, etc. When we take time to get a grip on our day to day finances, most of us really are able to come up with a reasonable amount of money every few months to help support another family member and your Alzheimer’s Victim. That is, if honesty and a true demonstrative desire to help do in fact factor in to your decision making process. If you are unable or simply unwilling to physically help the Primary Caregiver by providing for day to day mental, physical and emotional responsibilities, why is it you are not inclined to at the very least provide them cash so they might hire someone to help or in some other way refresh themselves for the sole purpose to once again resume their full time care responsibilities? Which, as another reminder, are solely for the benefit of your ‘loved’ one.

Friend… that’s strange, isn’t it? After badgering you I call you a ‘friend’. But although I have in fact spoken rather forcefully, I’ve only spoken the brutal truth to you in the hope you’ll finally wake up and smell the roses in life.

Friend, using honesty as your guide, without your direct help, what does the Primary Caregiver have to look forward to? And into that equation… how long will this unfortunate set of circumstances brought about by the disease last for he or she? Can you begin to realize the ‘in your face’ ongoing hopelessness a Primary Caregiver lives under from one unending day to the next? And seeing the same from one unending year to the next?

So then… what’s the right thing to do?

Continue to make excuses or begin to help? Effectively.

Hopefully not to continue to think
the Caregiver is stupid enough not to know the difference.

Yes, friend, much of this Page has been what might well be called ‘Brutal’. And I do sincerely apologize to those who only needed a minimal, kind prompt. But the reality is that because a Page of this nature must be written, most need more… and even then still refuse to help. Perhaps when dealing with such a person… it’s a lost cause, anyway… Why bother? But inasmuch as Alzheimer’s is a… Brutal …disease and Caregivers contend with it 24/7, I surely don’t mind being the strong, vocal Advocate for the Caregiver. A ‘Brutal’ message bearer, if you must. Particularly if it will wake even one person up to the fact that their brother, sister or parent does in fact desperately need your help.

It’s a shame such a concern should even arise among family members. But it does. Constantly. We are such a self centered people. Nevertheless… I don’t ask you what your… intentions …are. I ask you what you… will …do to honorably ‘love’ those you to this point have likely only ‘said’ you love.

Next, you may wish to view…

‘Respite Protocol For An Alzheimer’s Victim‘