A Mother’s Sayings-a

 

 

 

A Mother’s Sayings-a

is the first part in a personal journal for

Mom’s Alzheimer’s Disease

 

When providing Alzheimer’s In Home Care, Caregivers have the distinct and unfortunately, usually lone advantage of picking up on what could well be considered various ‘light side’ aspects as they relate to effects brought on by Alzheimer’s. That is not at all to say there is a ‘light side’, but certain aspects of your experience with an Alzheimer’s patient are worthy of such a classification as well as notation.

 

 

When you from time to time find yourself mentally or emotionally drained, your reference to such notes really might help you along your path to regain the right perspective. Also, such notes might well provide a somewhat ‘light’ bit of memorabilia to help provide positive remembrances after the afflicted person passes.

 

Don’t allow the horror of Alzheimer’s
to completely smother
your life or the life of the afflicted person.
Resolve to find the positive.
It… is …there!

When You Find It, Journal or In Some Way Record It!

 

I hope you enjoy reading the below true tidbits of life. Though she, of course, didn’t then and still doesn’t comprehend the humor brought forth during our discussions, one day she’ll laugh.

 

A Mother’s Sayings

 

ONE:

We have a two story home. Dad was upstairs watching TV and I was downstairs on the computer. For the last hour and a half or so, Mom was searching upstairs and down. Under pillows, in cupboards, in drawers, etc., Mom continued to look for her Mother, who died over 40 years ago. Each time she’d pass Dad, he’d remind her that her Mom was in Heaven. So too, each time she’d pass me. Sometimes Dad and I would take longer to remind her, sometimes not. Mom, of course, wouldn’t or couldn’t believe her Mother was in Heaven because she’d just finished speaking with her… and then she – “just disappeared”. Thus… Mom had to find her.

Finally, I tried a new tactic. I sat Mom down in a chair facing me. Looking into her eyes I cupped my hands under her chin, drew her close and spoke a good thirty seconds or so in many and various ways explaining that her Mother was not here, she was in Heaven…

‘Mom, Grandma’s in Heaven’ ‘She’s in Heaven’

‘Your Mother is in Heaven’ ‘Grandma’s in Heaven’

Mom, Grandma’s not here’ ‘She’s not here

‘Your Mother is not here ‘Grandma’s not here’

Mom, Grandma’s not here’ ‘She’s not here’

‘Your Mother is not here ‘Grandma’s not here’

Finally, in her eyes I could see the dawn breaking. I knew she was beginning to grasp what I was telling her. Her Mother was not here.

As my Mom started to rise and depart she said, ‘Mom’s not here? Well, that settles it then… she must be upstairs!’

TWO:

Even now, over four years since diagnosed, nearly each and every time I’d pick Mom up from what she believes is her ‘Women’s Club’, which is actually an Alzheimer’s Care Center, Mom would ask me if her Mom was ok. (Her Mom died over forty years ago.) It took over two of these four years for her to realize and accept the truth that her Mom was now residing in Heaven. Now, whenever she brings the subject up, most of the time I simply remind her that her Mom’s in Heaven and my Mom simply says, ‘Oh yes, I forgot.’

Nevertheless, from time to time Mom doesn’t accept that proclamation. On one occasion she was adamant in her belief that her Mom was at home not only waiting for her, but waiting for the dinner we were to bring home.

Normally, when such things occur I simply acquiesce to whatever Mom has in her mind at the moment knowing that she’ll quickly forget the conversation, anyway. But, on this occasion I tried another tactic. I continued speaking of the fact her Mother was in Heaven.

Finally, it appeared she again understood her Mother was in Heaven. Mom’s response…

‘Well, I hope Mom ate before she left.’

 

 

THREE:

1) When you are in a supermarket you are normally able to keep things smoothly and quietly moving onward by holding your child’s hand. You can not only exert a certain amount of control by hand pressure, but also move more quickly this way or that. Things are a bit more difficult though, when you are attempting the same strategy when holding hands with your Mother.

One day my Mother noticed a man with a bald spot on the back of his head. The spot was shaped in the form of a heart. Mom struggled; twisted and turned to become free of my hand and all but shouted at both me and the man because she just knew the man would like to know how beautiful his bald spot was.

2) And then there was the time we were fairly closely following a woman into a building. Always trying to lend a hand toward others by making various helpful suggestions, my Mom said rather loudly, ‘Do you suppose she knows she has a fat butt?’

Perhaps as long as a full year later during one of Mom’s more lucid moments I told her what she’d done. At first she was aghast that she’d do such a thing. Next, she laughed until the tears came. It was wonderful!

3) One morning Mom asked me, ‘I wonder if Mom is up, yet?’ I responded, ‘Mom, Grandma is in Heaven.’ ‘Oh yes, I forgot.’… … … … Well… How is she?’

4) Mom asked, ‘Is Francis here, yet?’ ‘No Mom, Aunt Francis is in Heaven’. Mom then said, ‘What, again?’

 

 

FOUR:

When giving Mom her bath, one of the first things I do is have her put soap on her hands and develop the soap into lather in order to appropriately follow through with step number two, which is to wash her face.

After instructing her to put her hands to her face in order to wash it, a couple of times now she has hesitated for a longer period of time than it normally takes her to mentally put things together and follow through.

Each of those two times she has begun to giggle before I elected to again prompt her. I’ve asked her both times what was so funny. She responded by saying, ‘I almost asked you where my face was… I forgot.’

And sometimes Mom becomes quite irritated; frantically looking for a way to first get the soap off her hands because if she washes her face with soapy hands… the soap will get all over her face.

 

 

FIVE:

One moment to the next, I never know exactly where Mom’s mind is. Am I her son at the age I am now, her son as a child; am I her husband, her fiancé, her brother? I’ve learned to ‘go with the flow’ and keep her at ease by becoming for the moment whoever she thinks I am, at whatever age. To the degree it prompts a reasonable response from me, I try to maintain a grasp on where she currently resides, but often I just wing it.

We were waiting our turn in the cashier’s line. As is frequently the case, the people near Mom and I soon begin to realize something is amiss. Even if they don’t overtly try to discover what’s going on, it’s easy to tell they are more closely listening to our conversation.

Most of the time it’s not a big deal when those around us lean closer to become better able to pay more particular attention in order to satisfy their curiosity. Sometimes though, it might be nice if we could call ‘Scotty’ and have him ‘beam us up’.

For Instance: Once when we were waiting to check out:

‘Son, turn around and let me look at you.’ She then bends down close and asks loudly, ‘Did you zip up your pants?’

And then there was the time we were once again at Wal Mart getting our regular exercise by walking throughout the store. They must have had a zillion signs throughout the store proclaiming their cut prices. All each sign said was, ‘Unbeatable’. Because she most often can’t remember one moment to the next – as we passed each and every sign throughout our lengthily walk she asked me , ‘Son, what’s unbeatable?’

 

 

SIX:

As we were driving down the road one day, I tried something new. Though I don’t even sing well in the shower, I began to sing two or three words of a song just to see if she would remember the song and join in.

I don’t think either one of us knows any song all the way through, but it didn’t matter because things went surprisingly, in fact, fabulously well. I was awe struck. We each sang together as long as the words kept coming to mind. What we could remember of each song sung proved to be beneficial to the immediate joy found in each other’s presence.

Then I tried something new. In each forthcoming song I initiated I sang a few words hoping she’d sing the next few. She immediately caught on. I chose to continue in this manner because it was refreshing to see her keeping up with me.

Then we came to the last song before we arrived at our destination.

Son: ‘Mine eyes’

Mom: ‘have seen’

Son: ‘the Glory’

Mom: ‘of the’

Son: ‘coming of’

Mom: ‘the chair’

The interesting thing is that when she was younger and her mind was working well, she would often come up with a variety of off the wall things while we were in the midst of any subject all the while knowing she was making a joke. She has always had an unusual and a great sense of humor. Then, on purpose. But further along through the progression of her Alzheimer’s disease, the spontaneity and uniqueness of her humor has become considerably diminished. Currently, so much of the time her expressions humor are largely by accident.

After she sang, ‘the chair’…

Son: ‘What? Mom, where did you get, ‘the chair’?

Mom: ‘Well, He has to have a place to sit down!’

Honestly, I could not detect any humor intended! Her moment to moment reasoning process somehow brought her to what at that instant seemed like a reasonable conclusion.

 

 

SEVEN:

Though it’s worthy to note that sometimes Mom at least for a moment grasps the idea of death and the worldly finality of it, such a recognition is a rarity. When she does, the tears will of course flow. Thankfully though, Mom almost never equates Heaven with death.

Therefore, when in responding to her query about her Mother or her favorite sister, Francis, I indicate they are in Heaven… it’s OK. In her mind Heaven is just a place where her Mother or Francis just happen to go for a short period of time before they return to our home. That being said, there is not a day go by, more specifically, sometimes there are rarely moments go by within which Mom doesn’t firmly believe her Mom and closest sister, Francis, are alive and living with us.

After telling Mom it was time to go upstairs for dinner, she wondered if she should go ahead of me to make sure Francis was ready to eat. As is pretty much a ritual, I once again explained that Mom would have to go ‘way, way up’ to find Francis. (After saying such a thing, much of the time Mom remembers that Francis or her Mother are in Heaven. She’ll then smile at her forgetfulness knowing they’ll be back when they are done.)

This was one of those times.

After explaining to Mom that Francis was ‘way, way up’, Mom asked, ‘Where?’ I responded by reminding her that Francis was in Heaven. Mom became irritated wondering why Francis was so thoughtless to once again not be here in time for dinner! Then she stated: ‘What the hell is she doing there?’

How about some more…

‘A Mother’s Sayings-b‘